Bubba J. / Redneck Book of Manners

This is my favorite Jeff Dunham/Bubba J. routine.


I swiped this from Coffypot

Tips From the Redneck Book of Manners:

Basic Manners

1. Never take a beer to a job interview.
2. Always identify people in your yard before
shooting at them.
3. Its considered poor taste to take a cooler to church.
4. If you have to vacuum the bed, it is time to
change the sheets.
5. Even if you're certain that you are included in the
will, it is still considered tacky to drive a U-Haul to
the funeral home.

Dining Out:

1. If drinking directly from the bottle, always hold
it with your fingers covering the label.
2. Avoid throwing bones and food scraps on the floor
as the restaurant may not have dogs.

Entertaining In Your Home:

1. A centerpiece for the table should never be
anything prepared by a taxidermist.
2. Do not allow the dog to eat at the table no matter
how good his manners are.

Personal Hygiene:

1. While ears need to be cleaned regularly, this is a
job that should be done in private using one's
OWN truck keys
2. Proper use of toiletries can forestall bathing for
several days. However, if you live alone, deodorant
is a waste of good money.
3. Dirt and grease under the fingernails is a social
no-no, as they tend to detract from a woman's jewelry
and alter the taste of finger foods.

Dating (outside the family):

1. Always offer to bait your date's hook, especially
on the first date.
2. Be aggressive. Let her know you're interested:
"I've been wanting to go out with you since I read
that stuff on the bathroom wall two years ago."
3. Establish with her parents what time she is
expected back. Some will say 10:00 PM; others
might say "Monday." If the latter is the answer,
it is the man's responsibility to get her to school on time.
4. Always have a positive comment about your date's
appearance, such as, "Ya'll sure don't sweat much
for a fat broad.

"Weddings:

1. Livestock, usually, is a poor choice for a wedding gift.
2. Kissing the bride for more than 5 seconds may
get you shot.
3. For the groom, at least, rent a tux. A leisure suit
with a cummerbund and a clean bowling shirt can
create too sporty an appearance.
4. Though uncomfortable, say "yes" to socks and
shoes for this special occasion.
5. It is not appropriate to tell the groom how good
his wife is in the sack.

Driving Etiquette:

1. Dim your headlights for approaching vehicles;
even if the gun is loaded, and the deer is in sight.
2. When approaching a four-way stop, the vehicle
with the largest tires always has the right of way.
3. Never tow another car using panty hose and duct tape.
4. When sending your wife down the road with a
gas can, it is impolite to ask her to bring back beer.
5. Never relieve yourself from a moving vehicle,
especially when driving.
6. Do not burn rubber while traveling in a
funeral procession.

Two Reasons why it is hard to solve a Redneck Murder:

1. All the DNA is the same.
2. There are no dental records.