CIGARETTES & TAMPONS

A man walks into a pharmacy and
wanders up & down the aisles.

The sales girl notices him and asks
him if she can help him.

He answers that he is looking for
tampons for his wife.

She directs him down the correct aisle.

A few minutes later, he deposits a huge
bag of cotton balls and a ball of string
on the counter.

She says, confused,
Sir, I thought you were looking for
some tampons for your wife?

He answers,
You see, it's like this, yesterday,
I sent my wife to the store to get
me a carton of cigarettes,
and she came back with a tin of
tobacco and some rolling papers;
cause it's sooo-ooo--oo- ooo much cheaper.

So, I figure if I have to roll my own ..........
so does she!

Read More......

THE WEEKEND JAM #31 MOLLY HATCHET/WHISKEY MAN

Don't ya just love VIKING music...heh heh

Read More......

JESSE'S LIGHTS

I put lights up for Jesse's yard so I don't
have to tote a flashlight when I take him
out to potty or to play after dark, it's much
more fun playin with him with two hands.

Pics. 1&2 I mounted the lights mear the peak
of the roof & ran a 50' cord down to the
front porch light so they work on the same
switch.
Pic 3 is a view from the roof this evening.
Pic 4 is the ground level view this evening.
POKE THE PICS TO BIGGIE SIZE EM

Read More......

BEFORE REMOTE CONTROLS

(Under age 40? You may not understand.)

You could hardly see for all the snow,
Spread the rabbit ears as far as they go.
Pull a chair up to the TV set,

Remote control wasn't invented yet.

My Mom used to cut chicken, chop eggs and spread

mayo on the same cutting board with the same knife

and no bleach, but we didn't seem to get food poisoning.

My Mom used to defrost hamburger on the counter

AND I used to eat it raw sometimes, too. Our school

sandwiches were wrapped in wax paper in a brown

paper bag, not in ice-pack coolers,

but I can't remember getting e.coli .

Almost all of us would have rather gone swimming in

the lake instead of a pristine pool (talk about boring),

The term cell phone would have conjured up a phone

in a jail cell, and a pager was the school PA system.

We all took PE .. and risked permanent injury

with a pair of high top Ked's instead of having

cross-training athletic shoes with air cushion soles

and built in light reflectors. I can't recall any injuries

but they must have happened because they tell us how

much safer we are now.

Flunking PE was not an option .. even for stupid kids!

All you had to do was participate & do your best.

Speaking of school, we all said The Pledge of Allegiance

(the under God version) and staying in detention after

school caught all sorts of negative attention.

We must have had horribly damaged psyches.

What an archaic health system we had then.

Remember school nurses?

Ours wore a white nurses uniform.

We had to accomplish something before we were

allowed to be proud of ourselves.

I just can't recall how bored we were without

computers, Play Station, Nintendo, X-box or

270 digital TV cable stations...wait that's because

we went OUTSIDE to play with our friends in person.

Oh yeah ... and where was the Benadryl and

sterilization kit when I got that bee sting?

I could have been killed!

We played 'king of the hill' on piles of gravel left on

vacant construction sites, and when we got hurt,

Mom pulled out the 48-cent bottle of Mercurochrome

(kids liked it better because it didn't sting like iodine did)

and then we got our butt spanked.

Now it's a trip to the emergency room, followed by a

10-day dose of a $49 bottle of antibiotics, and then

Mom calls the attorney to sue the contractor for leaving

a horribly vicious pile of gravel where it was such a threat.

We didn't act up at the neighbor's house either because

if we did, we got our butt spanked there and then we

got butt spanked again when we got home.

I recall my best friend coming over and doing tricks on

the front stoop, just before he fell off. Little did his Mom

know that she could have owned our house.

Instead, she picked him up and swatted him for being

such a goof. It was a neighborhood run amuck.

To top it off, not a single person I knew had ever been

told that they were from a dysfunctional family..

How could we possibly have known that?

I guess we needed to get into group therapy and anger

management classes? We were obviously so duped by

so many societal ills that we didn't even notice that

the entire country needed to be taking Prozac!

How did we ever survive?

TO ALL OF US WHO SHARED THIS ERA,

I WOULDN'T HAVE TRADED IT FOR ANYTHING.

AND TO ALL WHO DIDN'T.

SORRY FOR WHAT YOU MISSED.

Read More......

THE WEEKEND JAM #30 KANSAS/WAYWARD SON & FAMILY GUY/ALL CARTOONS ARE FUCKIN DICK'S

Blondefabulous just turned me on to this & it's soooo
fruckin hilarious. The Family Guy cast singing
ALL CARTOONS ARE FUCKIN DICK'S !

I saw Kansas at the Veterans Memorial
Coliseum in Phx. Dec. 13th 1980 , I was 19 ,
I was drunk...and stoned.....but I'm
certain I had a great time !

Read More......

A PLAIN BROWN WRAPPER

UPS has been around much longer than DHL or FedEx.
But in these tough times reliability, dependability &
experience just aren't enough in the dog eat dog world
of package delivery. So UPS has hired a new fleet of
young energetic & enthusiastic Drivers in hopes of
keepin their current customers & attracting new ones.

SOMEONE PLEASE SEND ME A PACKAGE VIA
UPS ! The best packages come in a plain brown wrapper!
"POKE" THE PIC. TO BIGGIE SIZE IT

Read More......

JESSE'S FENCE

The following pictures from top to bottom are my
fence project to give Jesse a large play & exercise
area.
Pic. 1 The beginning
Pics. 2, 3 & 4 The base trench is dug & the gate & center
posts are set & waitin for the crete to dry.
Pic. 5 The gate latch/fence end post is set & crete dryin,
the gate is hung & waiting for height adjustment
Pic. 6 The Boss/Jesse inspecting my work.
Pic. 7 The first section of fence is up & secure.
Pic. 8 The second section of fence is up & secure.
Pics. 9 & 10 The job is done !
Now Jesse has a big safe place to play & exercise.
POKE THE PICS. TO BIGGIE SIZE EM.

Read More......

THE WEEKEND JAM #29 TRACY BYRD THE TRUTH ABOUT MEN

Yep that's right gals for the most part we just
tell ya what ya want to hear when ya want to
hear it. Why ? you ask...cause you got the T. A. & P.
and we want ya to share em with us.

Read More......

AT WITS END!

A man owned a small farm in south central Alabama.

The Alabama State Wage & Hour Department claimed

he was not paying proper wages to his help and sent

an agent out to interview him.

'I need a list of your employees and how much you

pay them,' demanded the agent.

'Well,' replied the farmer, 'there's my farm hand

who's been with me for 3 years. I pay him $200 a

week plus free room and board.

The cook has been here for 18 months, and I pay

her $150 per week plus free room and board.

Then there's the half-wit who works about 18 hours

every day and does about 90% of all the work around

here. He makes about $10 per week, pays his own

room and board, and I buy him a bottle of scotch

every Saturday night.

He also sleeps with my wife occasionally.'

'That's the guy I want to talk to...the half-wit,'

said the agent.

'You are,' replied the farmer.

Read More......

STIMULATE ME !

Three contractors are bidding to fix a broken fence
at the White House. One is from Chicago , another
is from Tennessee , and the third is from Minnesota.

All three go with a White House official to examine
the fence. The Minnesota contractor takes out a tape
measure and does some measuring, Then works
some figures with a pencil. "Well," he says, "I figure
the job Will run about $900: $400 for materials,
$400 for my crew and $100 profit For me."

The Tennessee contractor also does some measuring
and figuring, then says, "I can do this job for $700:
$300 for materials, $300 for my crew and $100 Profit
for me."

The Chicago contractor doesn't measure or figure,
but leans over to the White House official and whispers,
"$2,700." The official, incredulous, says, "You didn't
even measure like the other Guys! How did you come
up with such a high figure?"

The Chicago contractor whispers back, "$1000 for me,
$1000 for you, and we hire the guy from Tennessee
to fix the fence." " Done!" replies the government official.

And that, my friends, is how the new
stimulus plan will work.

Read More......

WEEKEND JAM #28 THE TALKING HEADS/ONCE IN A LIFETIME

David Byrne is a goofy ass lookin dude & sometimes
quite spastic but a hell of a performer.
I don't think they could have picked a better name
than THE TALKING HEADS!

Read More......

A BIRTHDAY QUESTION

Isn't the day your born actually your

1st birthday?

So in that train of thought...Tuesday I turned 48 yrs.
old but it was actually my 49th birthday.

Am I wrong?

Read More......

QUALITY CONTROL !

Pretty much every product made goes thru a quality
control check before it leaves the factory for shipping
and sale.

Sometimes the QC check is merely a visual inspection
sometimes the product is physically tested.

For example, clothing is looked over by inspector 42
or 13 or 8...well you get the picture. However there
are products like cordless drills, toaster ovens or
bicycles and such that have to be physically tested.

Now for the most part bein a QC inspector is probably
a pretty easy & sweet job but there is one QC inspector
position I would NOT like to have.

I'm sure your all familiar with the Johnson & Johnson Co.
Well the next time you think you have a lousy job
think about this. At J&J they make thermometers, a
variety of thermometers and each one is tested the
old fashioned way including the following.

Rectal Thermometers !
Included in the retail sale packaging with each
Rectal Thermometer is the care and use literature
and in that literature is this statement...

"Every Rectal Thermometer made by
Johnson & Johnson is personally
tested and then sanitized."

Yep there are folks at J&J gettin poked in the ole
poop chute 20 or 30 times a day in the name of QC.

So the next time your back hurts from sittin at your
desk or your hands hurt from grippin tools all day
think about those poor folks at J&J and I bet your
aches and pains wont seem to hurt quite so bad.

Read More......